


Enough

by Rennajade



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, becissar - Freeform, becommissar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4104493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rennajade/pseuds/Rennajade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luisa feels inadequate. Beca doesn't share her sentiments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly just character study. I just wanted to look at Kommissar/Luisa's past more. c:

This is madness.

It’s ridiculous, really. These feelings are so unlike her. They don’t suit her. She is the _Kommissar_ , for God’s sake. Kommissar, the powerful, strong, determined leader of Das Sound Machine. There is no reason in the world for her to feel like anything less. But she does.

She tries to –as the American Taylor Swift said– “shake it off.” Reminds herself that doubt is weakness, and nothing is worse than weakness. She reminds herself, again and again, that she doesn’t have the time to be weak, that she must be more than enough, she must be _perfect_. She doesn’t stop to think it through. Her parents had it ground into her from such a young age that she _must_ be perfect.

She had already failed in their eyes. The first time was when she told them that she wanted to pursue music. She had known that it would end badly, but she had informed them anyway. They shot her down, as she expected, but she continued, first as a hobby, then a job. She worked as a DJ in Berlin for a few years, back when she was still naïve and believed that her parents would come around.

They didn’t.

When she returned from her meeting with Das Sound Machine, ecstatic to tell them of her success and the wonderful people she created music with, she was met not with encouragement, but shame. Her father asked her how she could do this to them, to the family? Why hadn’t she become a doctor, or lawyer, or _literally anything else_? Music was a waste of time, a waste of intelligence, and his daughter had no place in it.

It drove her further away.

The last time she had disappointed them was the last time she had seen them. Ava was all she had wanted. The first person she ever fell in love with. Luisa was fifteen, and she was madly in love. She hadn’t known how they would react. She hadn’t known that they would scream, that they would throw her out, that her father would slap her hard enough to make her head spin.

She showed up on Pieter’s doorstep with a swollen lip, a black eye, and tears streaming down her face. She had nowhere else to go. No one else to go to. After just a month, things didn’t work out with Ava, and the older girl had bid her adieu with regret in her eyes.

Luisa stopped showing her emotions after that. If they would only be punished, what was the point in showing them?

She had flings, brief ones that didn’t last long. Sometimes she could blame the other party for only wanting her body, but often, the blame was on her. She refused to let them in. Refused to let them see the damage, the broken shards, the terror. She had built walls and reinforced them as the years went by, and she was not about to let anyone through.

Not until Beca.

The tiny brunette was feisty. A spitfire. Luisa could see she had been broken before, but she had bounced back. Somehow, magically, she kept herself. She showed her emotions. Not all of them; she was guarded. But some of them. She was able to tell the other Bellas that she appreciated them. She was able to show open affection.

Luisa envied her for it.

Das Sound Machine got grunts of acknowledgement and the occasional “good job” if they were especially wonderful that day, but she didn’t open herself up like the tiny Maus did. She wasn’t sure she remembered how to open up, for that matter. It had been so many years. And yet, she found herself doing it anyway. The tiny brunette’s compliments got to her. First, she was flattered. The second time, she was genuinely touched and appreciative. And by the third, she was smitten.

She found the little Bella after Worlds to give her congratulations, something uncharacteristic for her. Generally, DSM did that as a group, but she wanted to speak alone with Beca.

She didn’t remember how it happened. They were talking, laughing, having a good time. Luisa knew they were slowly moving closer, but allowed it instead of running. There was something to captivating about this tiny ball of fire, and she couldn’t tear herself away. And then, they were kissing, and she held Beca’s face in her hands as if it were the most delicate thing. She couldn’t remember being so tender since Ava, and it took her by surprise.

It wasn’t until clothes came off and bare skin was exposed that she panicked. Beca may not have known it, but this tenderness, this care, was a side that nobody else saw. Ever. Pieter glimpsed it every so often, but even he had no direct line to it.

She pulled away and stared down, wide-eyed, and the brunette. She was sure that Beca could see the fear in her eyes but she had no way to conceal it, no way to keep it in. So she ran.

She left the tiny Bella, confused and a little hurt, to put her clothes back on and wonder what the hell had just happened.

Beca approached her two days later, prying for what had startled her into fleeing the other night. She was small, but ruthless. Luisa broke in the Bella’s surprisingly gentle presence and spoke to the brunette about her parents, her career, and her failures. She kept her eyes on the ground, unable to meet the eyes of the woman she had begun to care so much for, and prepared for whatever Beca threw at her. She hoped the girl would leave without a word, because she was nearly in tears and she didn’t want the Bella leader to see her that way.

Instead, Beca stayed. Not only did she stay, but she wiped away every tear on her Kommissar’s cheeks and assured her that she was useful, valuable, incredible, and powerful. Luisa managed to keep her mouth shut on the most important part until Beca asked her directly, “What made you run the other night?”

“I am not good enough,” the German blurted out, before she thought better of it.

Beca stared at her. “You’re not…? For what? For me?”

Luisa nodded. “For you, for my family, for my job. I am not good enough. You deserve someone who can treat you better and with much more openness. My family deserves a daughter who can please them. Das Sound Machine deserves someone stronger…”

Now her tiny _Maus_ was fierce. She cupped Luisa’s face in the palms of her hands and forced the woman to look at her. She had only seen the Kommissar confident and self-assured, but this was not the Kommissar. This was Luisa. “Listen to me,” brunette murmured. “You are good enough. You’re _better_ than good enough. You are an incredible artist. Your family would be so much better off if they would accept you. Das Sound Machine is who they are because of you. You’re part of them just like I’m part of the Bellas.”

“I’m still not enough for you, _kleine Maus_.”

Beca looked her up and down. “That’s for _me_ to decide, and I think you’re definitely enough. More than enough. Luisa, you are _incredible._ ” She brought the blonde’s face down to her level to peck her on the lips and look her in the eye. “Seriously. You’re amazing.”

Staring down at the tiny brunette watching her with such an earnest expression, Luisa actually believed her. A cautious smile curved her lips, and she pressed a kiss to the younger woman’s forehead before pulling her into an embrace.

Maybe she wasn’t as inadequate as she thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this is rushed but ehh. Oh well. I'll throw it in anyway. c:


End file.
